Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
