Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
