This girl is more easily done than said...
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
