Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
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