i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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