i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
