I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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