Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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