Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
