she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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