Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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