I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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