We need to rekindle our bromance
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
