I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
How does one acquire holy water?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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