Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
And then my night got REAL pukey
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
