dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
