Jerry, you need to find god
she woke up with a sticky ear
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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