It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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