i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
