Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
