ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
