i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
