omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
