'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
