sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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