Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
