You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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