bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
