He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
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