he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
