Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
they need to just BURY HIM!
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
