i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
