I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
