i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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