So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
