Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Randomize