dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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