The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
