I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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