Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
