it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
