I wish I could teleport
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
