your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
