Taylor Swift is so right about you.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My vagina is officially offended.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
