Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
