**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
being pregnant is like rehab
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The uberlube is also flammable
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
