I need help removing her.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
