based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
