so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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