but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
