Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
