u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
