Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Green mimosas i think yes
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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