I like my sex mixed with concussions.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Nobody cheats on THIS.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
