Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
