That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize