I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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