I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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