she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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