his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
