I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
