Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
