So drunk its hurt
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
