Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
then he tried to convert me to islam
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize