My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
