I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
