FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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