woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
