I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Randomize
