I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
