I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
We got so high we made milksteak
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
