Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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