I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize