My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
