Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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